In Want of Being Me

National Anthem in Fame Cinemas.

2010-12-03T01:58:00.001-08:00

I don't understand the logic behind playing the national anthem in a cinema theatre.

Honestly, I don't have a problem standing up and respecting our national anthem. It's annoying to see people still walking, balancing their pop corn and coke and children in their limited hands and still trying to locate their seats, some of them sitting, and the last time I saw 3 foreigners confused between standing and sitting.

Is there really any need ? I really don't think the theatre is the right place for our national anthem.

Inox, PVR doesn't do it. Other multiplexes don't do it. Only Fame ? Why ?

The Social Network.

2010-11-28T22:35:00.000-08:00

A brilliant watch. Wonderful story telling. From start to the end was fast paced. Didn't know somebody could do that with a tech. movie. and show people sitting in front of a laptop and click away on the keyboard look that interesting. Must read the book to see how somebody has done that.

One thing is it is a movie for users of web 2.0, blogs and social networking and the likes. I think it worked because it is about Facebook which is a big hit and a rage with users worldwide.

Another reason is it is amazing what happened in truth. I had no clue until I watched this film about what really happened with Facebook and how and where it was made. It is amazing to know that some college kid, did this and to see the kind of growth that is to it today. Interesting revelation about Victoria's secret as well.

Few things I think about....

Seems MySpace, and Friendster were available from even before, but why didn't they become as big as Facebook..? Orkut was created around the same time and also went on to become a rage, it was a big hit, but why not now ? I know many of my friends who hardly even login to Orkut these days. They are more in FB. So why is FB so popular ?

It's also great to note how they opened it up, first in Harward and then slowly onto other Ivy Leagues such as Standford, Yale etc. They made it much sought after until they opened it up to the rest of the world.

Ok, back to movie itself now. I think the things I enjoyed the most were the dialogs, rapt intelligent dialogs, though Mark comes across as the arrogant, bundled with superiority complex and chauvinistic, it is hard not to admire him for his intelligence and what he does it with it.

A wonderful film and a definite watch. Brilliant performance by all actors.

Motorola Milestone.

2010-08-06T04:39:00.000-07:00

Got a chance to play around with the Motorola Milestone for a few days and here are my initial impressions.

THE GOOD STUFF:

-> A nice gmail interface that comes with the device.

-> A nice gtalk interface that comes with the device.

-> A nice email interface to configure your corporate email, yahoomail accounts.

-> Inbuilt corporate directory, that gets configured automatically as you configure your corporate email.

-> A nice facebook interace that comes with the device.

-> A nice youtube interface that comes with the device.

-> Good Contacts and Messaging app with conversation view, for calls and texting.

-> Most importantly integarated contacts, that is once you sync in contacts from facebook, twitter etc, it integrates all contact information into one contact.

-> Nice visuals with live wallpaper. - ofcourse it drains battery.

-> Notifications of incoming email on all your accounts, be it corporate, yahoomail, gmail, everything is live and instant.

From the Android Market,

-> Twitter app. - Really neat app, very good experience, following and tweeting.

-> Blogger client - I also posted my previous blog from there and it was a very comfortable and neat experience.

-> Google Reader - A neat app which syncs up the feeds from your google reader.

-> Engadget app - I follow engadget on and off for news about mobile phones and gadgets, now this a real neat app, that keeps you upto date about news from engadget, ofcourse you don't really need this app. if you are subscibed to engadget from google reader.

Then there's fun stuff,

-> Guitar app. - This is real good, am convinced somebody who could play a guitar can actually make some good music.

-> Piano app - Didnt' try much personally, but was convinced.

-> AK 47 - Yes, an ak47, where you can load a magazine with 30 rounds and actually fire shot by shot.

-> Shotgun - Yes, a realshot gun experience, where you load and shoot.

-> Fitness & Health apps - shows you a video representation of how to a exercise, so you can customise your workout, or you can just launch the app, learn how to do an exercise, fire your personal trainers !

Then the works ofcourse, bikini girls, sex wiki, truth or dare, it's all there.

In summary, andoid market has lots of cool stuff for free.

THE BAD STUFF:

-> Now, with a phone that has so much to offer drastically need better battery life. If you are running gtalk, corporate email, gmail, facebook and twitter in always on, then the battery dies down in less than 12 hours. If you are running them intermittantly and only have gmail and corporate email in always on, then it lasts for about 1 and half days.

-> The hardware is a bit clunky, heavy and not convenient to use. The slider keyboard doesn't slide out smooth, requires some effort and usually works well only when used with both hands.

-> Basic functionality such as making a phone call, for a non-smartphone user is not so easy, as there is no dial / disconnect button in the hardware. You have to launch the phone app, and launch dialpad or go to last dialled list. My wife had a difficult time, unlocking keypad and finding a phone app to making a call, involves too many steps.

-> The phone restarted about 4 times in a total of 4 days use. For no particular reason, I have no clue what action of mine caused it.

-> Doens't come inbuilt with a task manager to launch and switch between tasks, or even see which ones are currently open and exit them. It remembers and runs the last six used apps and one of those apps continue to use up battery, as there is no specific direct way to exit them.

-> The camera experience was disappointing.

Overall, I would give it a 6 on 10. The software on a better looking and more usable hardware would be a killer device!

Will have to wait and watch.

ps: I am already conviced I wouldn't so much like the Nexus One as it doesn't come with a physical qwerty keypad.

Android.

2010-07-28T08:55:00.001-07:00

It's been a couple of hours since I laid my hands on the motorola milestone, based on android 2.0.

I have set up my corporate email, gmail accounts, yahoomail accounts and all of them always on. I am signed into my gtalk, facebook and twitter accounts.

I am also signed into my google reader and writing this blogpost from the blogger client I installed from android market.

I am totally liking it. Now I have to see how long the battery lasts for a device that is bundled with features like this.

I only wish it had a better form factor such as the Nokia N97. I know I wont be happy with a full touch Nexus One, as am a full fledged qwerty keypad person.

Will have to wait and watch.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.8

Irritated

2010-05-13T06:39:00.000-07:00

You stay back at work late, because it's quite and you can work peacefully. Now you have someone sitting 2 cubicles away and is playing ringtone after ringtone to choose his own and he's been doing it for 20 minutes.

When will people learn basic work etiquette ?

An interesting insight about product managment.

2010-03-29T02:47:00.001-07:00

Here

100 %

2010-02-23T06:08:00.000-08:00

What follows is in my opinion some really high motivation stuff. I think I got marvelous piece from a weight loss forum, don't remember now which one, but I think the writer's name is Krishna.

Read on:

Day in and day out we hear all kindsa stuff, the media frenzy targeting celebrities, the government making rulings and laws based on commercial gains. Not only the US government, but governments in general, including our home country. Then we celebrate our Independence day. Independence from what? From slavery? From bondage to your masters?

NO WE ARE NOT FREE!

The greatest freedom man can EVER wish for is the freedom on one's mind. Now, we are being MADE to think. MADE to form opinions. Tell me this, who influences whom? Does politics influence the media or does media influence politics. What is the bigger drug? Does fortune feed the fame or does fame feed the fortunes? What is it in our human psyche that makes us want to know more about people who we THINK we can become, whom we look up to. These larger than life individuals, celebrities, politicians, why do we want to know more about them?

Is it because we are lacking something from within? Is it because our minds are craving for entertainment to satisfy our own discrepancies? What makes them tick we wonder. But then why are'nt we there, are all of us not capable of being the top, in whatever we do? No need to make a big show out of it, but still why is it that sometimes, we don't excel? Why is it that we don't give our 100% potential even though we have it within us. Take for example even a tough squat, why dont we push that extra rep? Even though its very much within us?

Why is it that when 3/4 of the country is suffering a government is hell obsessed about a few shipments of anabolic steroids coming in and out? Why is it that when an entire nation is at war with its neighbor, an up and coming nation is worried about its "image"? What defines a people of a nation? a race? a tribe? what defines these groups that have been knit because of geographical location, beliefs, religions, anatomy, skin color ..... what does it?

In this world where everyone is supposed to be free, we are more chained than EVER. We are dependent morons, dependent on our internet, on our email, on our cars, dependent on everything but OURSELVES. The weakness in the body may never show however if the mind is weak, its like building a skyscraper with a bad foundation.

Maybe we can walk free, talk our mind but what happens when that mind itself is enslaved to what "THEY" show us. Who is "THEY"? The THEY is us, rather the THEY was US, at least once upon a time, till capitalistic ways totally took over.

MONEY is not wrong. Hell I love money, my 10 hour work days are all about money. I am proud of what I do. However, OBSESSION is wrong. Not about money. Being obsessed about one's physique, one's family is acceptable, but when materialistic modes take over, its more than VANITY, its downfall.

Till then, never be enslaved by anyone, your only freedom is YOUR MIND. Exercise it, THINK. Let NO ONE influence you. Advise is great, points of view are great but in the end, IT IS YOUR decision and you and ONLY you are responsible for it. Be it your body, love, money ...... life ...whatever. ITS ALL ABOUT YOU. So what ever you do, do it giving it your 100%, be it bodybuilding, or work, or family , or love ... hell even sex, tear it up ... 100% each time .... every time.

DO IT FOR YOU!
EVERY TIME
EACH TIME
100%

Always ON
Always Strong
There is no OFFseason

Naked Baba

2009-10-06T23:15:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday as we were driving back from MG Road, there was heavy standstill traffic and I sat twitching and wondering why. It was only then, we observed that a group of people were walking in a procession of some sort and approaching us.

There were both men and women in the group, carrying flags. The colors in the flag looked similar to the ones on the Indian flag, just that amber was replaced with yellow.

In the middle of it, was a middle aged man, walking completely stark naked. He was chatting up with the person walking beside him who looked like his disciple of some sort.

They were followed by a police patrol too !

He was probably a baba, who had no interest in materialistic form of life ;)

But to come to think of it, I assumed, nudity in public in India was banned. But here there was someone walking naked and having a bunch of cops following him too. I wonder what his theory to preach would be.

Oh no !

2009-05-28T12:09:00.000-07:00

Archie is going to marry Veronica. !

I'v grew up reading and living in a visual world of Riverdale High. The lives of Archie, Vernoica, Betty, Jughead, Moose, Dilton, Chuck Clayton, Reggie Ronald revolved around me.

I liked Betty and Jughead the best. I liked Reggie too. Infact in school we had an Archie's club and each one of us played a character. It was fun.

Going to pop-tate's, having that sundae. Archie's Jalopy. All those dates and Archie goofing up with Mr. Lodge.

Oh, I so wanna go back to soaking into bed with Archies comics and no worries in the world !

Respect she deserved.

2009-05-27T09:56:00.000-07:00

Here's a quote from an send off e-mail sent out by top management.

Quote:

Beep was one of the first people I met when I joined beep - and that first discussion was indicative of her attitude ever since: exceptional personal and ethical standards, a search for a positive solution and a focus on what was best for the business.

In later times she has brought those same virtues to the eep Leadership Team meetings and also to the Beep Supervisory Board where she was our Company Secretary, working with all shareholders to manage their shareholder interests and ultimately sell the business. I am sure the SLT were always grateful for her strict regime…

UnQuote:

Note: Names have been beeped to protect privacy

I don't know the woman personally, but respect her for the person that she has been ! Wishing her well.

Sunday Bath.

2009-05-20T04:10:00.001-07:00

It was a lovely Sunday afternoon. I thought instead of lazing around and getting a shower just before venturing out in the evening, let me go get a nice shower and feel fresh while at home and lazing around.

So, I was looking out for a particular shorts with nice soft linen, which is so comfy to wear and a particular tee, both of which I couldn't find.

I realised that it must be buried somewhere underneath in my pile of clothes in my cupboard. So I decided to clean it up, assort it and put it back as I do once every single time, I get frustrated like this, which is say once in 3 to 4 months.

Then I realised there were lot of junk clothes that I don't wear anymore, which I thought I'll move to the Godrej almirah in another room, say room 2. Now I go and open the Godrej almirah and observe there is too much of junk there ranging from old work documents (which I haven't once referred in the last 4 years atleast) and also a bunch of old magazines such as Readers Digest etc.

I decided this had to be cleared out and moved to the documents cupboard, so as to make space for the old clothes. Now the documents cupboard is in another room, say room 3.

I go and open the documents cupboard, and realise that it was also full and had a a bunch of gadgets and CDs, which I realised had to be moved to the computer table cupboard in the same room. Now the computer table cupboard was also flowing with too much junk and had to be cleaned up and space made for junk from documents cupboard.

So, ideally I had to start with the computer table's cupboard and make some space, to move CDs and gadgets in here from the documents cupboard, to make some space there, to be able to move all old docs and stuff from the godrej almirah, to make space there to move old clothes from my current wardrobe !

Phew ! Even the very thought burdened me. But nonetheless, I started thinking let's do one at a time. I started with 1 rack from the documents cupboard thinking, I'll finish only the documents cupboard off that day, and ended up cleaning up just one rack for the next 2 hours and left it unfinished too, coz, I got so tired and impatient and bugged !

Don't know when am going to go back next and work on it ! But then now I know, that I should never venture out for an early shower on Sunday !

Why is god laughing ?

2009-04-04T04:13:00.000-07:00

Why is God Laughing, By Deepak Chopra, A book I bought purely because the cover page looked good. The title got me curious, and a quote from some random page gave me the feel that it would be a good read.

I liked the book. It talks about spiritual optimism, I mean it largely talks about it. Deepak has tried to put forward in a nice way three things that we have to understand and be aware of.
1. Fear
2. Ego
3. Addiction

I am sure, if I read it a second time, I'd probably have new things to interpret. I liked the way the book was structured, with anecdotes of humour inserted generously. Nice large print. Fast readers must take more than a couple of hours to finish it.

I would give it a 5 on 10.

I met Kamal Hassan.

2009-03-02T21:43:00.000-08:00

As I was getting off the shuttle in the airport, I noticed Kamal hassan get off before me. I can't

explain in words the feeling that ran through me at that moment. I had never planned this, I never thought, I'd run up to him and speak to him, if I ever met him in person.

But yes, I sprang up, ran up to him, took his hand, shook it and told him, 'Sir, I am a very big fan of yours and am completely am in love with your work'. He smiled and said 'Thank you'.

Then the conversation went for a full five minutes, as I walked along with him uptil the baggage claim and mostly it went something like this,

Me: Sir, I have just taken up acting and am part of this acting workshop, and now I am able to understand the kind of belief system that you have to be in to be able to do what you do and what comes out on the screens.

Kamal Hassan: {smiling} I think, I come off as a reluctant actor.

Me: Oh no no, you are just being humble and modest.

Kamal Hassan: That's what happens when you know more than you should. So where is this workshop ? ?

Me: No sir, this is in .

Kamal Hassan: What's the name of the production company ?

Me:

Me: Amongst the many of your films I like, I want to mentions sir Anbe Shivam, I think came off as a brilliant movie. Every time I watch it, I mature and grow with it.

Kamal Hassan: {smiling} Thank you. So what do you do otherwise ?

Me: I am with in their software division. But, I wouldn't say I am very happy with my job. Am not even sure, if I should pursue something else that my heart desires. Actually I am in a confused state where, I am still searching for what is it that my heart desires.

Kamal Hassan: {Smiles}

By this time, we had reached the baggage claim area.

Me: Ok sir, sorry to have barged in and taken so much of time. It was a pleasure meeting you.

Kamal Hassan: {Smiling} Pleasure is mine.

Me: Thank you Sir. Bye.

He walked away to the exit, where 3, 4 people waited to receive him with a bouquet and all of them immediately dropped in quick succession to touch his feet.

I just stood there watching, with my mind racing, what did I do, why did I even stop here, I should have walked with him to his car or whatever, is my baggage so important now ? Oh, I forgot to take a picture and then I realised my camera phone had already died on low battery and he was already disappearing in a distance.

The next 20 mins, I remained high, as if I were high on cocaine ! That instant rush, that energy, oh it was brilliant. The 1st of March 09, a day that will be remembered and cherished.

Discovering thy self.

2009-02-12T22:14:00.000-08:00

Ok here's something I consciously want to do,

I am going to identify the patterns, of when I am happy and when I am sad, when I am going through intense emotions or when I don't emote at all.

What gets me there, in the sense what makes me happy, what makes me sad, what really drives me ?

I know these things to a certain extent, but I do a lot of stuff subconciously. So I am going to take note and keep track. No particular goals, I would say this is just a start in the journey of discovering myself.

Wow, now, I sound philosophical.

Ok, on that note, here's a few things that made me happy and sad.

-> I lost 27 kilos in the last 6 months. But that's not enough, I still need to lose 7 more kilos to reach my ideal weight. Now, that's happy. It gives me confidence in a lot of ways.

-> I didn't clear the certification, that I took up for the 3rd consequtive time, no actually 4th I think. It's not a very difficult test, just tricky with negative marking and all that. I didn't put in enough effort. I felt a little bad about myself, for wasting a lot of time and rushing in at the last minute. But I did learn quite a bit and decided not to take up the certification again ;)

-> I read 2 books, though I did take a lot of time, I managed to complete them. I enjoyed reading them. That made me happy.

-> Every visit to home, where I meet up with the boys and V, gives me immense happiness, can't

explain in words. My wife A feels why I don't feel that way about her these days ! I keep telling her, darling, we live together, I can't be exited all the time, but with the boys and V it's different, I meet them once in a while. It's like I have this blood gush in my body, as I get closer to V's place, till the moment I see him, the 2 or 3 days I spend there with them is electric !

-> I'v taken up acting, yes, I'v joined an acting workshop, with a production group who specailise in English theatre. Now, that's a lot of fun. I am learning a lot. The peer interaction is brilliant. I am enjoying it totally.

Ok, that's for now, will write, as and when life happens :)

Can I get a little water please ?

2009-02-12T21:30:00.000-08:00

Ok, for the sake of this post, both wifey dear and I are working and infact, there are times when she has to put in longer hours at work. Apart from this she makes my breakfast every day.

Now, I am a person who hurries up with my breakfast.

Now, I eat very fast, atleast my breakfast, that's the way I do, so 4 or 5 spoons down my throat, I'll be close to choaking and will need water. Now there isn't always water on the table alongwith breakfast.

So, I had a request to make. I said something like, "I know you are already taking care of work and also the cooking part, which is already a lot, I don't mean to burden you more, but I have a request to make. It would be great if you could keep a half bottle of water so that I don't have to run to the water dispenser when I have food stuck through my food passage and need water to wash it down." Ofcourse, I did add, words like kanna, thangam in between.

She comes back instantly with something like, "It's all about sharing work and things would be a lot easier if we could share work." And she also went on to press, "In the west, you don't even have housemaids, people have to get all the work done on their own."

Now, that upset me. I was not even demanding and am remotely close to a chauvinistic male partner. I don't cook, nor do I help in the kitchen. But, am definitely not the kind who guzzles beer and sleeps on the couch, watching cricket !

Also, clearly she likes to take care of the kitchen work on her own, doesn't expect me to help around in the kitchen or cook even.

All that I asked her was for some water along with breakfast. So, as usual, it went on a downward spiral, like any argument would take.

Well, it didn't end up quite nice.

Now, question is, was it too much to ask, for some water ?

Smiling on the highway.

2009-02-12T01:10:00.000-08:00

Last week, I was riding back on my faithful Royal Enfied Bullet from a neighbouring state, solo. It is a great feeling to be riding on the highway, gives me a great high. The steady thump of my bullet always in the background overpowering the music that are already plugged into my ears.

When I open my visor, the wind gushing through the helmet onto my face. Lost in thoughts, sometimes pensive. Sometimes, the brilliant feeling of warmth, when I imagine so many good things or even as I reminisce the past.

This time around, I saw this really really huge truckers, carrying 'windmill blades'. I'v never seen something that monsterous in length in person. Wanted to pull over and take a picture, but I knew I wasn't carrying the right gear for that.

As I overtook the trucker, I turned around quickly and lifted my visor and looked at him, manning the wheel. He looked back, I smiled and waved out, and instaneously a big smile broke out on his face, as he waved back in all happiness and vigour.

Now, I liked that, and I was smiling to myself as I rode on.

ID Card.

2009-02-12T00:57:00.000-08:00

Everyday, I flash my id. card to this security guard at my work entrance and over a period of time, it's like we know each other personally. That familiar nod and acknowledgement has definitely become routine.

However, he still makes it a point to ask me to flash my id. card, which I also do, knowing fully well that it's his duty. Though, I might claim not, I think somewhere in the back of my mind, I was mildly annoyed that he insisted on seeing my ID card every single day.

This morning as, I pulled out my ID card to show him, he came close and gently whispered in my ear ' Sir, Security camera hai, isi lea, galath math manoo' {There's a security camera, that's why, don't mistake me} and flashed a big broad smile, back at me :)

I liked that.

Project Manager.

2009-01-27T04:16:00.000-08:00

I am part of this mailing list, of which my manager is part of too. There was an e-mail asking whoever had a device with a specific serial number to respond. I read it, checked the devices we had, and didn't respond because we didn't own the device with that particular serial number.

Now, 10 mins later, I see the same e-mail in my inbox again, this time around, forwarded by my project manager, asking me if we had the device with that serial number. I replied, No.

Now, the point is, he sits right next to me !!, all he had to do was, turn around, and ask me if I had checked. But, he felt comfortable e-mailing me instead, sitting not even a foot away from me ?

Now, this leaves me thinking, does he have to re-confirm to himself that he is manager(who sits right next to me), by e-mailing me and asking ? rather than trusting me that I'd have responded if we had it in the first place ! or is it technology has him spoilt so much, that he'd rather write than talk.

Whatever, it annoys me, when managers take so much interest in following up with trivial things, rather than try to provide solutions and follow-up with things that really demand it.

One day in the life of Niniane Wang.

2009-01-06T19:40:00.000-08:00

Niniane currently works as an Engineering manager for Google. This was when she was working as a developer as part of the Google Desktop product. You can read more fun stuff here.

March 2004

One day, we are sitting at lunch, and I'm eating a slice of chocolate pecan pie.

Me: Pie is so great! If I had pie every day for the rest of my life, I would be a happy person.

Steve: If you fix all of your bugs, I will give you one thousand pies.

Me: Don't make promises you can't keep, Steve.

Steve: Hm, yes, I should restate. If you fix all of your bugs by tomorrow, I will give you one thousand pies. Wait, how much do pies cost?

Me: 10, 15 bucks.

Steve: [does some mental computations] Ten pies. If you fix all of your bugs by tomorrow, I'll give you ten pies.

Me: Oh really?

Steve: [slightly concerned] How many bugs do you have?

Me: Fifteen.

Steve: [confidently] Yes, ten pies.

Me: Okay, you're on.

Chris: Wait, now, it shouldn't be all-or-nothing. We should say that if Niniane fixes 5 bugs in one day, you give her 1 pie. 10 bugs, 2 pies. All 15, then you give her 10 pies.

Steve and me: Okay, that sounds reasonable.

Omar: What about new bugs that come in?

Steve: Those don't count.

Me: Okay, it's 1pm right now. The bet ends at 1pm tomorrow. Let's shake on it. [shake hands with Steve] Okay, I'll see you guys later! I have some bugs to fix!

I dash off. The next 24 hours are a steady progression of bug fixing. By dinnertime (8pm), I've fixed about 6 bugs. A few of us are discussing the bet.

Chris: You should fix the easy ones first, so that you can be guaranteed 2 pies.

Me: No, I should fix the hard ones first, when I'm not as tired.

Chris: Oho! That must mean you're going for all 10 pies!

Everyone begins to leave work. By 2am, I am the only person left. From 4am to 7am, I took a nap in the massage room down the hall. When I emerge, bleary-eyed, Steve is already back at work and shocked to find me.

Steve: Niniane! You're here so early!

Me: No, I didn't leave. Don't you see I'm wearing the same clothes?

Steve: [looks at the bug count] Oh no! I better take longer to do the code reviews!

By noon, I'd fixed all 15 bugs. Two new "non-pie" bugs had come in during the 24 hours, and I fixed them too for good measure, for a total of 17 by 12:50pm.

Steve had a graph that tracked everyone's bug count over time. Because it didn't handle the case where the bug count is 0, my graph line disappeared from the chart. So the next bug fix immediately following the bet was from Steve, to fix his script to handle 0.

Over the next months, Steve bought me a number of pies:

Pie #1: berry	#2: apple	#3: pumpkin	#4: custard	#5: pumpkin for Hallowen

Breakup.

2008-12-04T01:45:00.001-08:00

A breakup or a divorce doesn't always have to be between a man and a woman. A break up also happens between friends.

Sometimes, it turns out to be so difficult to get over the relationship, the friendship, the warmth, the love, the affection, that you once shared for each other. Sometimes, there's guilt, and then there's hate.

The thoughts don't go away. It keeps haunting you, sometimes, the good memories surface and you smile, but eventually it makes you sad, thinking it had to turn out this way. The bad memories makes it all the more numb. It brings about this I don't care, I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to do anything, I don't want to talk to anyone attitude.

You know very well, it's not the right feeling, that you have to get over it, move on, you know very well, you have a life to live and want to do exactly that. But somehow, invariably you do otherwise.

You think, It's sad it had to turn out this way. You try to introspect. You wonder why ? Who was responsible ? Was it me or was it otherwise ? Nothing helps. The numbness comes back.

You come to learn, that the friend has moved on, and seems to be leading a peaceful, normal life, maybe even forgotten you completely. Now should this affect you ? Yes, it does. You wonder why ? Why ?

It's going to be a good few years now. You have to move on. You think, time will heal, or atleast time will help reduce the pain. But how much more time ?

The mire of inconsistent feelings and emotions, keep coming back. You try to fight it. You will.

Interesting Problem.

2008-12-02T09:55:00.000-08:00

Two colleague's were sitting next to me and were working on launching an app, and they wanted to redirect the logs into a txt file, instead of printing them all on the console.

They were doing all the right things, and still it wasn't working right. They were at it for quite some time, and I was trying to do my bit to help. After a while, we ran out of options, and frustration was setting in.

I realised I had given up, and was getting defeated, when V uttered 'Hmm...Interesting Problem'.

I was already bogged down with the issue, while he was enjoying tackling the problem. He got up and went away, saying, let's think it over.

Day got over, we went home.

This morning I went into work, thinking, I must do this and that and this and that. I went to my desk to realise that it had already been fixed. V had apparently found out that some buffer had to be flushed. He had applied the fix, and it was working now.

I truly admire these guys, who don't get bogged down with issue, but strive and solve them, no matter what. This might have been a relatively easy issue to tackle. But, the confidence, and his attitude to think about how to solve the problem, rather than getting bogged down with it.

I like that.

The Story of Stuff

2008-11-15T04:05:00.000-08:00

Stuff that we all should know about stuff.

About blogging.

2008-11-15T03:42:00.000-08:00

I was a reader and follower of blogs for a long time, before I had one of my own. There were few blogs, that I passionately followed. I thoroughly enjoyed reading them, and spent hours reading their entire archives. Sometimes, it's like I know them in person.

Some of them are Priyamanaval, Jikku, Sleepless-In-IIMA, Sine-Qua-Non, Gapp, Sudhish and few others. Then there are many others, I discovered recently, such as debum, thamizhachi, english-tamil, niniane and many others. I think these guys are brilliant bloggers, with whom you can strike a chord, in one way or the other. I was able to relate with what they wrote. I could see, how much, I felt similarly too, it was beautiful when you see someone write thoughts, that run in your mind.

There have been times, when I have taken printouts of 'Sleepless-In-IIMA' to read during train journeys.

Then I created my first blog. My intention was to write, like the ones, I enjoyed reading, and to also be able to write about what I felt, and to get honest opinions from people about what they felt, about what I felt.

I went about writing whatever that came to my mind, and about stuff that was happening in my life. A few friends and fellow bloggers started visiting my blog and became regulars. I started getting few positive comments. As time went by, I started watching the number of hits I was getting, and it felt good, to know that I have some readership. It felt good to know that few people liked what I wrote.

Sometime later, I got my first negative comment, an 'anonymous' friend rubbished whatever, I wrote. It wasn't even logical disagreement to what I had written, doesn't matter, however critical. It was just some silly sarcasm and names calling. That pissed me off a bit. Then, then there were comments, that supported me, and bashed Mr. Anonymous and that felt nice.

But what was actually happening was, a limitation, some kind of a wall had developed in my mind. I knew I had a readership now, which I didn't want to disappoint. I wanted the same kind of positive comments. I didn't feel comfortable writing about stuff, that would bring in negative comments. There were a set restrictions now. I didn't like that.

People in the real world who knew me, started developing an impression on me, based on what I wrote on my blog. People at work, who barely knew me for couple of months, drew opinions and impressions from what I had written in the past. I was getting uncomfortable with that.

Then, I went through a rough phase, had to part ways with two of my close friends. We shared the same set of friends. It was getting difficult for me to be in the same group, and hang out in social gatherings, where they were present, being in part of the same mailing lists, where they were present. I wanted them to vanish from my life, and similarly I didn't want them to know about anything that was happening in my life, be it good or bad.

Invariably, I stopped blogging.

Life went on, many things happened, I wanted to write, I wanted a space, where I could just be somebody with an online presence, and have no real-life connection, and most important of all, where I could comfortably, and totally be myself. InWantOfBeingMe was born.

Writing or Blogging is driven by many things, to share with the world about something that you are passionate about, be it technical or just a passtime, to entertain people, to gain more readership, to share with the world what you think, and get an opinion about what others think about what you think, etc, etc...

I was just thinking about all this, and trying to be honest with myself and identify with why I really blog.

I blog for myself, I blog about things which I find real, which I think is humorous, memories that are special to me, all of which I can look back after a few years and smile at how much I have changed, or not changed.

I want to make a sincere effort at that, I will.

Calorie burning alcohol.

2008-11-13T06:22:00.000-08:00

A friend (who has gained a few extra kilos from alcohol consumption during an extended vacation) and I were having a discussion about how working out and alcohol don't mix and that alcohol actually slows down the BMR.

He's working out, but is finding it hard to lose weight amidst his rich social life. He suggested, 'There are so many medicines, and operations to lose weight. Why can't they invent an alcoholic variant that can burn a lot of calories, so the more you drink, the more weight you lose !, and you get high anyway !'

We laughed a bit and succumbed in agreement that, no way is that going to happen, there's no easy way out. If you have to lose weight, you have to cut the alcohol, eat healthy and work out regularly. There's no other easy way out !

Then he went on to point out, that 'Ecstacy' was originally invented and sold legally as an appetite suppressant. Similarly, Viagra was originally invented to treat cardio-vascular diseases and all folk, who ingested it for treatment, ended up being hard and durable :D

He sincerely hopes, someday there will be an alcoholic variant that'll help burn calories. :D

To smile or not to smile.

2008-11-13T03:59:00.000-08:00

Both your eyes meet. A sense of familiariy ensues, you'v seen each other few many times at the gym, have cycled on stationary bicycles next to each other, have ran couple of miles on treadmills next to each other.

You contemplate between smiling and and mouthing a 'Hi'. A half smile begins to emerges out of doubt, she looks at you for a moment, then turns her glare elsewhere and walks away. You are thinking, "damn !" and walk away, hoping your half smile emerged only after her glare shifted elsewhere.

What I really want to be ?

2008-11-10T23:42:00.000-08:00

I envy Sachin Tendulkar, because he does what he's passionate about.

I envy Mani Rathnam, because he does what he's passionate about.

I envy my colleague in my work place, because he does what he's does with so much of passion.

I envy my friend who's in the Indian Airforce, because he is proud of what he is, and is passionate about where he is headed...

I envy the watchman in my aparment, because he is passinate about gardening and takes care of the plants and the apartment so well, he seems to love what he does.

When, I was much younger, I wanted to be a doctor, not because of the realisation that I could save lives, but because, my uncle was one, and he was well-liked and respected by everyone in the family.

Later, I wanted to become an engineer, because my dad was one and was well-liked and respected by everyone in the family.

Later, I wanted to become a pilot, join the NDA, because my brother wanted to become one, and he couldn't, becuase he had an accident and was rendered medically unfit, so he wanted to make me one. The airforce pilot tag, appealed to me. I wrote the screening test, and failed it. I was disappointed, but joined some college anyway.

College was mighty fun. I never really re-looked at my options of joining the airforce. College got over, even before I knew it, I wanted more of it, so took up post-graduation and joined college again. Sometime in my 1st year, the idea of joining the airforce surfaced, I took up the basic

screening test for the officers cadre and failed again.

Later, college got over, I got placed in my first job, reality struck, it took sometime for me to digest and accept reality, but yeah, I got over it and found my job pretty cool. It sounded really cool, to even tell somebody what I was working on, that exited me. I was happy. I was learning, things were going on well. I was passionate about the technology that I was working on.

Time went by, I got another job. My next job was in a different city, I had to move out of home, for the first time, and be on my own. The indenpendence that seemed exiting in the beginning, only increased my dependence on home and mom. However, I was exited about my new job and the technology, so that kept me going.

My new job took me to a new country for a brief stint. I met a friend, through a common friend. He had an admit in Oxford, Stanford, Dale and a few other ivy league universities. He was working for the biggest investment banking firms in the world, and was going to quit and take up college. He was soft spoken and polite. I was impressed yet again, I loved his life, his routine. I wanted that MBA from an Ivy League university.

After a while, monotony creeped in, my work didn't seem to exite me anymore. I was bewildered and became withdrawn, seeing people doing things, not knowing really why they are even doing it ! I was pushed into a shell, just going about doing stuff that I was asked to.

It was during this time, that I started appreciating films and film making. I had evolved from just watching movies for the sake of entertainment, to understand the kind of impact they made on people. I watched with exitement, some films, and was in awe of few film makers. I was impressed at the kind of content they could create, the imagination, the mix of reality, the kind of visuals they were capable of creating, the emotions. It dazzled me. I wanted to be a film maker.

Then, I went through a rough phase, parted ways with someone who was a dear friend & guide. My love for films and film making and all these things that had happened in my life, took me to the next stage of believing I could make a film. I had a script. It was easy, It was my life. I thought I had a beautiful script. I wanted the real-life characters to play their parts in my film. It was easy for everybody, all they had to do was be themselves. I began to talk to them, convince them, train them, to not to be camera shy.

Friends & Family decided that I was crazy. They got worried. I approached a producer to narrate my script and the cast I had in mind. Seeing my background, he wanted to put me on a test. He wanted me to shoot on video camera, a talent search event he was doing for heros and heroins for his new film. He wanted me to bring my own camera crew, equipment, and wanted me to cover the back-stage, the feel, the pulse, the vibes of the participants, the show in general.

I realised, he was taking me for a ride, he just wanted to cover his show on camera for free. He was interested in the footage. I never returned his phone call.

I then narrated my script to a debutant actress friend, just to get a vibe of what she felt and if I

sounded sensible enought and if I could go any forward. She did what she could.

At the end of it all, I made some friends, rather aquaintances, which made up for interesting

conversations & some learning about how the industry worked. It only made me realise, I wasn't getting anywhere. I have to admit, I didn't give it my best shot. I didn't try hard. After a few failures, I gave up.

It's going to be sometime now, I am going about doing my job, going about my routine, trying to get better at what I do for a living, to learn, to grow, to evolve. I wouldn't say life is bad, but I am still searching.

Post-holiday coping.

2008-11-04T05:08:00.000-08:00

Am a little dazed. Everything is in slow motion. After driving around for some 1000 odd, kilometers in the last 4 days, meeting friends and partying, attending a cousings wedding, again meeting up with the same friends and partying, and then having to get back to work today, definitely has had it's toll.

It was great to meet friends, party and then sit down with them to reminise old times, I totally love that, the un-adultrated laughter that ensues. It's beautiful. It's electric.

As, I quickly got home, showered and as I was driving to the destination, knowing I am going to meet them there, the boyish exitement, I could feel running through me, is something I cannot express.

Now, that it's all over, I am at work, and I feel dazed and slowed down. I think it will be tommorow, when I can get back into a pace, and start racing against myself. I have to, I will.

Heights of emotional blackmail.

2008-10-27T12:23:00.001-07:00

Surya.

2008-10-27T10:43:00.000-07:00

An inspiration -> his interview.

The movie that made me sit back and take notice, was 'Khakka Khakka' ofcourse, both Surya and Gautham Vasudev Menon.

Nanda did make me take notice. I liked the film for it's raw nature and Surya's character in the movie. But it was Khakka Khakka that really made me take the actor and director seriously.

I have started liking him since then, but I am not that ardent a follower, who made it a point to watch each one of his films from then on. I did watch Ghajini, and totally didn't like it. I watched Jillendru oru kadhal and thought it passed of as ok.

Now, I am awaiting Varanam Ayiram, as it's the Gautham - Surya combination again. Expectations are high. But, I hope the movie doesn't get hyped too much, and turn out not to be what is portrayed.

Surya, has definitely ignited the six pack dream in many minds.

phtoto credit: galatta.

Pinocchio

2008-10-25T23:48:00.000-07:00

I chanced upon watching this movie the other day on Zee Studio.

It's like a fable made for everybody, across all ages. A beautiful piece of work with simple lessons for life. The message is simple, hardwork pays and that there is no other easy alternative.

There's humour, fantasy, fairy, blue whale, and loads of lessons learnt. A beautiful story of Pinnochio very simply narrated. It's apparently a film of Italian origin, I saw the dubbed version in English.

I particularly liked the character Leonardo and his vanities. Pinocchio himself is oh so adorable, and scenes where he meets his father in the stomach of the whale which swallows him, where he identifies himself as a tuna, are just way too cute. There's also this scene where he gets caught by a farmer who takes him to serve as a watchdog, and how he goes 'bow-wow' when his friend Leonardo comes to rescue him. How they both savour the 'tangerine' flavoured lolly-pop, everything, shows how gullible they are and where they land up finally.

It's a brilliant film. Definitely worth watching.

Start Ups.

2008-10-17T05:53:00.000-07:00

That what happened...
I met my ex-boss in the office rest room. (He now heads a different vertical altogether)
We did usual small-talk, and he invited me over to his desk sometime for a chat. I dropped in and we got talking, he was generally asking, if I had forgotten the skills on which, I had worked on during the past.(I have shifted domain and working on something else for about 3 years now) I told him, no and that occassionaly, I go through relevant stuff, just so I don't forget or lose my aquired skills of the past (which isn't essentially completely true).

He then told me that he's started a company of his own, and that his wife is currently the director.(he is not directly legally associated yet) It's a small start up with about 15 - 20 people now, he is eventually going to quit here and join there and take charge in a few months. He offered me a Techno-managerial role, a kind of lead role to lead the team technically and also to bridge the gaps commercially. ( I assumed this would be the business analysis part, talking to the customers and gathering requirements et. all.)

I asked him about the clients, he gave me business jargon, much of which I didn't understand. He said we don't have a lot of funding for now, but will eventually get there. I thought he hinted, that I shouldn't be expecting a great hike and all, but he assured me that the role is something that I would like and would take me to a whole new level in my career. He said no pressure, think about it, and get back.

Now the reasoning..
Ok, now why is it so difficult to quit your job at a reasonably well-known company with a commendable percent of market share and brand value and join a startup ?

I'll try to list down the pluses and minuses,

Let's start with the pluses:
- The learning is going to be great. It's a startup, there aren't too many people to do things,
so you might end up doing most of the things, and in turn what happens, you learn, you get equipped, you get stronger, you get better. Now, that's a big plus !

- The role is going to be better. Don't know if you could really count this as a plus, as you'd expect this, even if you were going to join just any other organization.

- The salary is going to be better. Now this again would be the case, if you'd join any other organisation.

- You have more freedom, you have the freedom to be more creative, make your own decisions, a sense of satisfaction, ownership, (add some more terms like, accomplishment, a sense of achievement, blah blah) and all that comes along with being able to do what you like.

- A prospective chance of getting to talk to customers and clients directly, on your own, will be able to understand and interact with customers, because you are probably not going to have individuals assigned to do just business development, business analysis, requirments analysis etc...

Now, the minus'es..
-- The biggest minus, I think is the risk, considering what if the startup is not able to generate revene within the first year, how long is the Venture Capitalist going to be patient and fund the company.

-- How confident will you be, to go through that change of having to undergo pressure of getting yourself into a job, if things don't go well. (Again it's similar to the previous point, are you willing to take the risk ?)

-- Next biggest risk is over-committing, because it's a start-up and is under pressure to generate revenue, you boss, will tend to over-commit to things we don't already have, or don't have the resources and skills to get done. Now, having to deal with that, is going to stress you out a lot. So you should be in a position to deal with that. Making your work-place your primary home, and forgetting about weekends, is something that you'll have to consciously accept.

-- Also, if it's a job you like and are passionate about, beware you will also do a lot of stuff that you also don't like that much, Eg., non-technical managerial documentation, how-to docs, and if you are usually testing, you might also have to develop, if you develop, you might have to test your own product, so it will be a bit of a roller coaster, until the company sits and start breathing (in terms of revenue)

-- Then there's the trivial stuff, like letting go of the luxuries of working for a big company, the perks, the recognition, the discounts, the company transport, 36 days annual vacation, freebies, a swanky mall with a string of food chains,etc.

More reasoning...
Joining a startup and doing great work does come with a cost, also you need to have a back-up plan if things dont' go so well.

Especially now, with the market not looking very good, and newspapers and uncles and aunts talking about how bad the economy is, and how bad the recession is going to be. All this buzz only contribute more to deter you from taking that risk.

Ok, one of the main things that should convince somebody to join a startup is the trust, the trust on the vision of the person / people who are driving the company. If you trust them and share the same passion and vision, that would be an advantage in helping you make that decision to join the startup.

Now, having analyzed all that, coming to the trust factor, he does have a kind of reputation in office as to be dream / talk big, but not get there as much types. But from personal experience of working with him, if you are good at what you do, and get your work done, he takes care of you. He's a little difficult to convince types, if he has seen a point, then usually that is the only point, and if you agree with him, fine, else he's not going to like it.

I have a meeting with him tomorrow, where he wishes to discuss plans in detail. I don't want to sound too interested only to turn him down later. These situations are difficult for me to handle. Have to make the decision and if it's not in his favour, i'll have to put it across in a nice way.

I have time, I'll think it over !

Cab 4 Me.

2008-09-25T02:45:00.000-07:00

About 5 years ago, when I joined my first job, during one of the usual boardroom sessions, our boss while explaining technologies such as 3G and IMS, and he went to explain the future...

He said, let's say, it's your first time in Chennai, and you're walking in Mount Road not knowing what the name of that road is, and you'd think, you'd want a taxi, all you'd have to do is sms and say ' I want a cab' and within a few minutes, a cab will find you and pick you up. I thought to myself, this sounds so James Bond types ! He went on to explain, this is really possible, because, your phone will be GPS enabled, the cab, will have a GPS device, so the cabbie will locate you with your unique device identity, something like the IMEI number.

As much exited, fascinated and overwhelmed I was to even to listen and imagine technology like that is really possible, over time, I thought, it's all big talk, but nothing's going to really happen.

Then Google Earth happened. A little later Google Maps happened.

And today, I came across this,

cab4me

cab4me allows Android users to call cabs from anywhere in the world. It combines the Google Maps with GPS/Cell location awareness to allow users to order cabs without even knowing the address they are at.

That said, will have to wait and see, how many of these apps really go on a become that killer app, like the 'sms'. 'Push to Talk' was launched in a big way, with many hopes, it crashed even before it took off. We'll have to wait and watch, time will tell.

Great Quotes.

2008-09-20T06:22:00.000-07:00

Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn.
-- Benjamin Franklin

If somebody comes up to you and says something like, "How do I make this pony fly to the moon?", the question you need to ask is, "What problem are you trying to solve?" You'll find out that they really need to collect gray rocks. Why they thought they had to fly to the moon, and use a pony to do it, only they know. People do get confused like this.
-- Max Kanat-Alexander

I don't care if it works on your machine! We are not shipping your machine!
-- Vidiu Platon

I'm beginning to wonder if the sum total pain caused by the box-and-arrow crowd has outweighed the occasional usefulness of UML.
-- Carson Gross

You do not have to spend a lot of time and effort on those who strongly resist change. You only have to help and protect those who want to change, so that they are able to succeed. Put another way, your job is not to plant the entire forest, row by row -- it is to plant clumps of seedlings in hospitable places and to nurture them. As they mature, these trees will spread their seeds, and the forest will eventually cover the fertile land. The rocks, will, of course, remain barren regardless. ... once you have figured out who cannot be converted, you should not waste more time trying to persuade them.
-- David Hutton, The Change Agents' Handbook

A nation ... consists of its laws. A nation does not consist of its situation at a given time. If an individual's morals are situational, then that individual is without morals. If a nation's laws are situational, that nation has no laws, and soon isn't a nation ... Are you really so scared of terrorists that you'll dismantle the structures that made America what it is? ... If you are, you let the terrorist win. Because that is exactly, specifically, his goal, his only goal: to frighten you into surrendering the rule of law ... He uses terrifying threats to induce you to degrade your own society.
-- William Gibson, Spook Country

picked up from here

Indian Railways.

2008-08-31T13:22:00.000-07:00

I totally loved watching this video.

IT Happened in India. - Kishore Biyani with Dipayan Baishya.

2008-08-15T21:01:00.000-07:00

The book is all about retail, sales, entrepreneurship, business, understanding the customer, rewriting rules.

Kishore Biyani - The creator of Pantaloons, Big Bazaar, Collections I, Home Town, Depot, etc, under the banner of The Future group.

The book has an interesting narrative of Kishore Biyani, himself and his close associates turns in talking about what and how it all happened. When the others are doing the narrative, it is more of praise and respect for the man 'Kishore Biyani'.

Kishore talks about his successes and his failures, his venture into Bollywood and how he failed at it miserably. Supposedly his movies also turned out to be a break for the then not-so-known Rakhi sawant and Himesh Reshammiya.

The book showcases how important it is to trust people and build relationships in. Another important aspect is the importance given to location for the stores and how they aquired large spaces early on to set up shop.

An interesting thing, I came across was that, usually companies, distribute sweets, announce bonuses for occasions like Diwali. kishore once decided to paint the houses of all the employees. The rationale behind was a freshly painted house, feed peace and happiness in the minds of the dwellers, and hence this move keep the employees minds fresh and happy before they came into work everyday, and also that this would create an impact amongst their friends and neighbours.

This book also comes off as targetting a few people to tell them 'see, I made it, inspite of all the discouragement, I got from all of you, I made it'. For some, it would come off as self promotion. It would definitely inspire a few. For some it would be just another book.

For me it was definitely an informative read about the world of retail, It did make an impact on my subconcious mind. It did say, go out and do stuff, don't worry about being ridiculed or being called a fool, atleast you tried.

The book priced at Rs.99 is money well spent. Definitely worth a read.

Spectacles.

2008-08-06T06:22:00.000-07:00

It was about 11:00 am. The sun was high and dry. Me and my friend had bunked school.

Now on one such day, my friends dad ran us on an errand to drop off a cheque or something in his office which was in Parry's corner, near the famous Burma Bazaar in Chennai. We successfully dropped of the cheque and were window shopping in the Bazaar when suddenly a middle aged man walked up to us.

Man: 'Ennapa, enna venum ?' {So boys, what do you want ?}
Me: ' Illa, onnum venam.' {No, nothing.}
Man: 'Matter book venuma ?' {Do you want porn magazines ?}
Me: 'Illa venam.' {No.}

[But, being the adolescent kids that were, we were curious nonetheless]

Man: 'Matter CD venuma ?' {Do you want porn CDs ?}
Me: 'Illa venam'.
Friend to me: [Nudging me] 'Dei, CD mattum vangikalama ?' {Shall we buy the CD alone ?}
Me to Friend: 'Dei, summa iru, venam' {Keep quite. No.}
Man: [Who had noticed my friend showing interest] 'Enna venum sollungapa, ellamea inga kedaikum.' {Tell me whatever you want, you get everything here}

[I somehow had the strong feeling that he was trying to rip us off, and hence kept saying no to everything he said]

Me: 'Illa, onnum venma' {No, Nothing.}
Man: 'En kita oru special item iruku, venumna try pannunga, pakareengala ?' {Ok, I have something special, you can try it if you want, want to see ?}
Friend: [Totally curious and before I could say anything]: 'Ennadhu ?' {What is it ?}
Man: 'Special kannadi, pottutu yaraiyachum patheenga..naa dress ea illama theriyum' {Special glasses, if you wear them and look at somebody, you can see them without the clothes}
Friend: [Thoroughly interested by now] 'Enga katunga' {Where ? Show us.}
Man: 'Venum na sollunga, kootitu poi katrean, andha madhiri olagathulaiyea 12 dhan iruku. China la irundhu vandhadhu. Ana romba jakaradhaiya irukanum, inga police prachanaai jaasthi' {If you guys are interested, I'll take you and show you. There are only 12 like it in the whole world. But you have to be very careful, there is too much of police problem here}
Friend: 'Seri, evalo andha kannadi ?' {ok, how much for the glasses ?}

[I was getting all the more tensed by now]

Man: 'ayiram rooba' [1000 rupees.]
Friend to me: [Nudging me again] 'Dei, un kita evalo iruku ?' {How much do you have ?}
Me to Friend: 'Dei, sonna kelu, venam da, en kita oru 100 ruba dhan iruku.' {Listen to me. Don't do this. I only have 100 rupees.}

[He had Rs. 200 with him, but he calculated that we still needed money for the movie and all. He was supposedly clever even then]

Friend to man: 'Enga kita 100 rooba dhan iruku' {We only have 100 rupees}

[The next 2 to 3 minutes was all bargaining, with the man saying that it is imported from China, and is expensive and kept reminding us of all the 'things' we could see, once we had the glasses. Finally much to my resistance, my friend did go ahead and settled down for a bargain of Rs.150]

The man, now asked us to follow him. We both cautiously walked behind him, and all the time, I kept telling my friend that he's trying to cheat us. My friend kept reassuring me that we'll test it before paying him the money. The man constantly kept reminding us about police problems and that we must keep it all hush hush and as quick as possible.

He took us to a dimly lit coffee shop in some corner, which was heavily crowded, found a corner table and seated us. He told us to wait there and left. The next 5 minutes seemed like the longest wait for us. My friend had already started making a list of all the well-endowed girls from our class that we could potentially 'see'.

The man was back with a small white polythene cover in his hand and sat right opposite to us. He gave out instructions that we would all place our hands under the table, and he would place the glasses in my friends hand, while at the same time, I should place the money in his other hand. Then, we all would get up quietly and walk out and on our way.

The transaction happened, the money and the glasses changed hands. My only focus was not to get ripped off, so I insisted that we test it.

We walked out of the coffee shop, and my friend more than hurriedly took the object out of the polythene cover, which was further wrapped in a small brown paper cover and as my friend tried to remove it from the brown paper cover, the man started getting all worked up saying, not here, take it away, it's risky and that we could get all of us into trouble.

While I was stubborn that we made sure that it worked before letting the man go, he make a big ruckus saying, you guys are difficult to convince, here, take your money and go. Saying this he gave the money back to me, and grabbed the glasses back from my friends hand.

My friend was thoroughly disappointed. Any amount of further talking, would get us nowhere. He seemed thoroughly annoyed with us. He however demanded we pay him Rs. 20. When asked why ? He said we had wasted his precious time and that we must pay him.

We had to with the 20 and managed to get away and were finally on a bus on our way to Mount road and my friend seemed a bit upset.

Me: 'Dei, paravala vidu da. {It's ok dude, } Imagine if was a fake, we would've lost 150 bucks'
Friend: 'Poda. Adhu mattum vela senjirundhuna, {Get lost. If only it had worked,} I would have seen all the actresses on TV...'
[After a small pause and in a hushed tone]
Friend: '....naked ! '

Adieu to a senior colleague.

2008-07-18T06:58:00.000-07:00

A senior colleague bid adieu at work today as it was his last. He is just getting transferred to one of our offices in a different country.

I haven't personally had much of a chance to interact much with him, in fact to think about it, I don't think, I have spoken to him at all, maybe an occasional smile, that was about it.

I have read his blogs. I have seen him go about do his work, a knowledgeable man, should be (from the role that he held), a humble man, something about him, his actions, have brought me to like him.

And today being his last day, there was a small leavings gathering at the center of our office. Few simple words to say thanks from both sides.

Sometimes, there are some people, who talk less, who don't try to prove a point, who just go about doing their work, people just like him, there is that warmth, that good feeling when that person is around. A sense of confidence. There is respect. There is that something!

He is one person, who will definitely be missed !

Interpreter of Maladies - Jhumpa Lahari.

2008-07-18T06:27:00.000-07:00

My initial impressions about the author - nice writing skills, knows how to play around with words.

I started reading this book a couple of days back, and kept reading, chapter by chapter wondering what is the connection. There was an obvious disarray and zero connection between the characters. Each chapter was introducing new characters and comfortably forgotten the ones in the previous chapter.

I was imagining that at some point the author will bring the characters together and point out what the connection was.

What I actually didn't actually realize was that the book was a collection of short stories :D ! If I had known that earlier and read it as only a collection of short stories, I would have liked it better.

Life of Bengal Indians settled in the US, UK are things which are obviously common amongst all of them. Then there's relationships, affairs, partition and life in general.

Sometimes, I felt there was just too much detail, but, I think that was maybe required because they were short stories.

Later, I learnt it had won the pulitzer award. Definitely worth a one time read.

Favourite country.

2008-05-26T22:19:00.000-07:00

This happened back in school, when I was maybe in 2nd or 3rd class. Back then, I always wanted to give the best answer, immaterial of whatever the question might be.

Teacher: 'Ok, now I want each one of you to stand up and tell me which is your favourite country'
Boy1: 'Japan'
Boy2: 'America'
Girl1: 'London'
Teacher: 'London is not a country, England is'
Girl2: 'Singapore'
Me: 'Foreign'
Teacher: 'Foreign country is a term used to address a country which is not your own. Tell us which country is your favourite!'
Me: 'Foreign is my favourite country!' [Taking complete pride in the fact that mine was the coolest answer]
...

Later, teacher convinced me that foreign was not a country and sad, I became.

Being Brave.

2008-02-27T22:09:00.000-08:00

I was 15 and my best buddy 16.

We were riding on his gear less scooter and taking a turn near my home, when one guy on a cycle looking elsewhere almost crashed into us.

He pointed his arm towards us and used swear words generously and cycled on.

We both were a little upset, coz., it was no fault of ours. My friend tells me "We mustn't let him go like this. We're two and he's one. Let's go teach him a lesson. Besides, we have to get used to situations like these. "

So we turn around and overtake him and signal him to stop. He stops. We also stop. Now both of us don't know what to do. Our hearts are racing.

Him: {Getting off his bicycle, a heavily built burly man with a menacing look on his face}: "What ?"
My Friend: {With a squeaking voice}"Errmmm, Nothing. We were riding properly only"
Him: {Getting annoyed now}"Ok, So ?"
My Friend: "ermm...nothing."
Him: "Ok get lost !"

And we turned around and rode back quietly.

Lunch Box.

2008-02-27T02:05:00.000-08:00

I was talking to my friend who married his girlfriend of over a year, a month back.

Me: "So how's married life ?"
Him: "So far so good, it's going be a month tomorrow"
Me: "So are you able to get off home from work earlier these days ?"
Him: "No, not really. In fact, work is hectic, it's almost mid-night when I get home"
Me: "Hmmm, so are you carrying lunch these days ?"
Him: "Yes and something happened at lunch yesterday."
Me: "What happened ? "
Him: "I sat down to lunch, as usual with my team in the cafeteria and opened my lunch box."
Me: "Okay..."
Him: "...and there was rice"
Me: "Okay..."
Him: "There was only rice !"
Me: {Giggling by now} "You mean just plain white rice ?"
Him: "Yes...and stop laughing".
Me: {Controlling my laughter}"Ok, ok. Then what did you do ?"
Him: "What should I do? I borrowed some curd from a colleague, made butter milk and had it with my white rice"
Me: "Ha ha ha, seriously ? She probably forgot to pack the curry. "
Him: "No, she had forgotten to tell me. Apparently, she had only made the rice and packed it and had wanted to tell me to buy some curry to have with it'

I am just giggling imagining his expression, when he opened the lunch box and saw plain rice. He must have poked around to find something to eat it with. :D

Google's gag.

2008-02-22T03:15:00.000-08:00

I stumbled upon this job posting by Google.

Like everybody else, I noticed the requirement 'Sense of humor'
Like everybody else, I clicked on humor.

Humored, Impressed and Curious, as always, I did send them an e-mail like this,

------------
From: iwobm@gmail.com
To: lunarjobs@google.com
Date: Fri, Feb 22, 2008 at 12:13 PM
Subject: Yes, I have a sense of humour.
Mailed-by: gmail.com

Hello Google,

Am interested and looking forward to discuss my possibilities of taking this further and working out my options of joining Google to work with G.C.H.E.E.S.E.

It excites me to imagine, we would be in sub-zero gravity levels discussing cutting-edge solutions, that will reach out and touch millions of lives.

Looking forward to discuss this further with one of you.

Thanks and Kind Regards,
iwobm.
------------

And, I got an instant reply like this.

------------
From: lunarjobs@google.com
To: iwobm@gmail.com
Date: Fri, Feb 22, 2008 at 12:13 PM
Subject: Re: Yes, I have a sense of humour.
Signed-by: google.com

Thank you for contacting Google about our Copernicus Research Center.

We've received an overwhelming response to this opportunity and are not currently accepting additional resumes. We will, however, keep your information on file should we have an opening in the future. At the current staffing levels, we anticipate that we may need additional applicants on or around April Fool's Day in 2104. Until then, we appreciate your interest in Google and your taking the time to write us.

Sincerely,

The Googlunar Recruiting Team
------------

I am now thinking if I am eligible to file a law suite against Google ;)

Evano Oruvan Moment.

2008-02-14T22:52:00.000-08:00

My wife and I took a pre-paid auto from place A to place B. The government generated slip said Rs.140. However, the driver said it's 27 kms from here, so you have to pay 140 + 27 because the gas prices have gone up.

I say fine, then for some reason the auto guy doesn't want to go to location B. So he puts me on the next auto in line and explains to the new auto guy that I be dropped at B and that I will pay him Rs. 170. All agreed, happy and we move on.

As we get closer to location B...

Auto guy: "Is it here ? Should I turn left ?"
Me: "No, It's B, and we still have to go 1 kilometer to get to B."
Auto guy: "What sir...it's too far. This is only B"
Me: "See, the pre-paid slip. It clearly says B and it was agreed initially"
Auto guy: "They don't know anything, I thought it is B, but this is too far, you have to give 10 rupees more"
Me: {thoroughly pissed off, Not that I am stringent about the 10 bucks extra, but I hate this approach of majority of them auto drivers}"Nothing doing, what is agreed is agreed, no 10 rupees extra. Nothing."
Auto guy: {In a mumbling tone}"It's so far, give 10 rupees extra."

Within a few minutes, we reach B. I get off the auto, take our belongings and I hand over Rs. 170 and turn to walk away.

Auto guy: [In a raised tone]"Sir, give 10 rupees sir"
Me: [Turn around and in a raised but firm tone]"No 10 rupees extra nothing, we agreed on 170 initially and that's what you get" [and turn around and start walking away]
Auto guy: [In a mumble fading tone]: "thevdiya paiya {bastard}"

I turned around walked back towards him. I was in rage. I spoke some swear words and was on the edge, just about to get physical. For a moment, I gathered myself, realized that I was standing outside my apartment, my wife with me, the neighbours who might wake up in the wee hours, the scene that had already been created.

I just grabbed my wifes hand, turned around and walked away.

Come to think of it now, I could have averted the whole thing, by paying that 10 rupees extra. But, somehow, something in me wouldn't let me do that.

The practical me agrees 'throw the money, stay away from the unpleasant experience'. Then there's the logical me which feels 'No, that's not right. You can't let them take advantage of you'

I suppose this will never change. It's something we have to live with, come to terms with.

Subject.

2008-02-13T00:44:00.000-08:00

I tell this peer to send out an e-mail detailing the technical scenarios with which he is facing difficulties currently, just so to keep everybody in loop.

I told him to send it out yesterday, he didn't. So I went to him again this afternoon during the lunch break and said 'It need not be perfect, it's only within the team. That way, it will give time for other to digest and respond. And if they don't, you have an upper hand in the status meetings. So no matter what, send it out.'

He walks up to me in the evening, just before as I was leaving and asks ' What should the subject line be ?'

Grooming at work.

2008-02-13T00:18:00.000-08:00

We have a huge balcony at work where people break for coffee and smokes. I notice this one person in one corner, close to one of the huge support railing, (his torso from hip onwards is not visible) leaning outside. There was also this strange sound (click, click) as if he was trying to light a cigarette with a lighter, constantly against the strong wind.

I was looking out for a particular somebody and happened to see this guy from behind and was wondering if it was the same guy that I was looking for, so I walked up close (from the other side of the railing) and took a small peep, only to catch him cutting his finger nails with a nail cutter.

He truns, sees me, smiles, and continues to go 'clip, clip, clip'.

I dropped my IPOD

2008-02-01T02:29:00.000-08:00

Some time back, I dropped my new IPOD video 30 gig on the floor. On picking it up, it had a sad smiley with a frown and a link to the apple support center at the bottom.

Whatever, I tried to do, the sad smiley did stay.

Later, I googled 'I dropped my IPOD' and came across numerous solutions. Here's the top three.

Soln 1: [Last resort] Send it to the Apple store and get it fixed.
For which you have to pay exorbitantly.

Soln 2: [Only for the brave hearted] Open the IPOD and fix it yourself.
There was a picture-log of a step by step procedure of how you open your ipod and disconnect and reconnect the wires to your hard disk and supposedly folk who dropped their ipod got it working this way.

Soln 3: [Most widely used] Drop your IPOD again.
Initially I thought, this must be damn stupid. No way me am gonna drop my IPOD again. That's foolishness, I thought. Later, on coming across the large number of testimonials where people did just that, and it worked for them, I thought ok, why not.

So, I went, lifting my ipod up above the air and carefully dropping it on my laptop case. Thud...Thud...Thud....Thud....Thud....to no effect and still looking at the sad smiley, I thought to myself, ok, so soln1 or soln2 it has to be.

Then, before I went to sleep with a heavy heart, I decided to do it one last time. This time, I lifted it to as high as my hand could reach and, THUD. Picked it up, blinked at it a few times, and pressed the play and the select button simultaneously only to notice the bright red apple !

YaY! it worked, it worked !

Life.

2007-12-31T06:00:00.000-08:00

It's funny.

The way I currently live my life, in contrast to the completely contradicting way in which I wish to live my life.

There are things I don't want to do, and then there are things, I want to do. But, I continue to
do the things that I don't want to do, and continue to 'want' doing the things, that I want to do.

Sometimes, I am organized, other times, I am cluttered.
Sometimes, I plan, other times, I just like doing it on the fly.
Sometimes, I am comfortable with a certain path ahead of me, other times, I'd think, I would
have preferred a life full of uncertainties.

Few years back, I had so much passion for what I wanted to become. Now, it's a fluctuating
feeling, sometimes, I tell myself, I can still become that if I tried hard. Other times, I question
myself, if that is really what I want to be.

Then there are other thoughts. People tell me I am good at that. Maybe, I'd be better off
doing that. Then there's this other voice telling me, but you haven't done anything yet, with
what you have. It's too early to be looking at something new.

Then, just when I start thinking about all this, I tell myself, let me think about it later. My
mind moves on, thinks about people, thinks about the past, sometimes they reflect in the form
of a smile, other times, I am just quite.

I have a few people, I know I love dearly.
I know what makes them happy.
I know what makes them sad.
Most times, I try to do things that make them happy.
Few times, I end up doing things that make them sad.
There are times, I do it on purpose. I would think I am bad. Then, I would convince myself, anybody would have done that then, and that I am normal.

I know I am a good person and I am afraid, that I also know, I am a bad person.

I know I am in love with life. I love living what life has to offer.
Sometimes, I look back and smile. Other times, I look back and go quiet.
Sometimes, I think I control 'my' life. Other times, I sit and let life take over.

There are times, I imagine, I am living life, the way I wanted to.
Most times, I realize, that I am living life, the way I am expected to.

There are times, I am convinced, I don't care what people think.
Most times, I keep thinking what others might think.

But again, that's probably life. As they say, that's life.

Someone said...

2007-12-24T02:39:00.000-08:00

Everything is difficult only once, it gets easier from the second time onwards.

Bribe.

2007-12-06T02:13:00.000-08:00

This incident happened yesterday to somebody I know. Let's call him N.

N and his friend were on a two-wheeler on their way to lunch. They were stopped by a cop, for routine license & registration check. Once done with the routine, the cop as usual managed to find something to pick on and demand money.

N [handing out a 20 rupee note]: Sir, we only have this much.
Cop: What!! Only 20 rupees...hmm.. where are you guys going ?
N: To have lunch sir.
Cop: Whaat maa, you are saying you are going for eating lunch...with only 20 rupees..aa...
N: No sir, for that we have coupons.
Cop: What coupons...
N: Sir, Sodexo coupons, most hotels accept coupons these days.
Cop: Oh ish it ? Where you got it ? Show me..
N [pulling out the coupon book] : Sir, our company gives us, every month. This is practiced in most companies. It's like money, works in hotels and supermarkets only for food items.
Cop [Examining the Sodexo coupon and the various denominations, pulls out four 50 rupee coupons] : hmmm....here..now go.
N: Sir...
Cop: Go maa..go maa....we usually don't accept all these coupons...but, I am letting you guys go... [shameless smile and pockets the coupons]

Virgin girl.

2007-11-28T00:18:00.000-08:00

It's been over a year since her son went to the US. She tells the broker to look out for suitable brides who have a valid F1 or H1B status.

A proposal has come up. The horoscope's match. The girl has been learning music from Rangachary thatha from age 6, background check done, fair complexion, her father retired with enough years of service in Indian bank. To top it all off, she has a valid h1b and lives and works in Virginia.

Now mom tells her son about the proposal and tells him to go meet her.

Son is happy and worried.

He calls up his friend in Virginia.

He: Hello.
Friend: Hey dude, what's up ?
He: Mom called, a proposal has come up, girl lives and works in Virginia.
Friend: Fantastic !
He: What fantastic...wait, I still haven't seen her.
Friend: Anyway, you were planning to come down here this weekend, probably you can meet her then, get to know each other,....wat say ?
He: Ermm..yeah, I could do that...but still...
Friend: But still what...? Come meet her, talk to her, if it works, just go get married dude! Man, am so exited for you.
He: hmmm..all that sounds ok, just that...ermm...
Friend: Come on!! Just that...what ??
He: Illa, mom said, she's been in the Virginia on her own for 4 years now...
Friend: Ok, soooo ?
He: ...ermm...am just wondering if she'll be a virgin too.
...

A week later...
He meets her, and post-meeting, calls up his virginia friend.
He: Dude, I met her.
Friend: Ok, what happened ? Were you able to make of if she's still virgin ?
He: I don't know that, but she's lived alone for over a year, before that she said she's stayed with a friend.
Friend: Ok...and...
He: Besides, she's too forward with her thoughts, and way too independent.
Friend: Ohkay......and..
He: Dude, she's looking for a life partner, and am looking for a wife ! I am not entirely sure if it's gonna work between us.
Friend: hmm...watever, but you make the very term 'wife' sound like an insult.
...

3 months later...
He gets married to some naive girl who's lived all her life in Mylapore with her parents, is 20 years old, very fair, who's just passed out of college (B.Sc Home Science), cooks very well, knows stiching, finished computer course in CSC, is learning barathanatiyam, has done her arengetram and is still a virgin.

Which kind are you ?

2007-10-16T05:36:00.000-07:00

There are different kinds of people. Largely, they fall into the following two categories.
1. One who listens to the heart.
2. One who listens to the mind.

and then there's a third kind, One who is confused between the two.

I have friends who are emotionally controlled and I have other friends who have no emotions, no wait..who have emotions but know how to control them and move on for all practical reasons.

Somehow, sometimes, I feel the latter are much better off and lead a happier life, coz., they don't end up getting hurt too often. Other times, I feel they aren't living their lives fully. They don't get to live the joys and sorrows of being a true friend, of being in love.

On the other hand, the emotional ones, live life, love, make merry, break down and get hurt when relationships go sour, take time to recover, but again continue to live life to the fullest.

Where do people strike an equal balance ?

I wonder.

Weird Urge.

2007-10-15T03:15:00.000-07:00

I usually take the elevator to reach my floor at work (the 8th floor). Few many times, I am the last person getting out in my floor. I sometimes, have this urge to press the buttons 7,6,5,4,3,2,1,0 and -1, and get off, so that the empty lift continues it's journey to stop in each floor until -1, before it starts responding to user requests.

Now why do I have such an urge ? What do I gain out of doing this ?

Nothing !

But what do I end up doing inturn,

Cause some inconvenience in holding up the lift. (Anyway, there are 5 other lifts, so what the heck?)

Imagine if it's during an odd time when there aren't frequent movement of people, the security in each floor sitting at the reception will know that the lift stopped, the door opened, but nobody got out. Also, quite silly that the lift stopped here coz., there's nobody outside who pressed the button (requested for the lift).

Imagine if this happened more or less on a near daily basis at a consistent time. The security is either going to be dumb and not take notice, or take notice and dismiss it or take notice and get worried.

Now that'll be fun.

Totally weird.

Fear or common sense ?

2007-08-28T22:25:00.000-07:00

It was 11:30 in the night. I decided to take a stroll and flex a bit.

As I was walking down a lane near home, which happened to have a deserted lake at the other end, (the approach closer to the lake gets deserted) I noticed a car parked towards the end of the lane, with the tail lights on. It was dark and I guess the car had tinted glasses, whatever, I couldn't make out people inside the car.

Maybe, it was just harmless lovers, or just somebody who'd pulled over to take a leak. I dismissed the thought and continued to walk. I got closer and closer and still the car remained 'as is', tail lights on, no movement, all quiet. I began to think, what if it was a bunch of bad guys, who'd get out and mug me or something.

That thought just kept growing and I was reminded of how my friend got mugged in a lonely road a few years back and all the blah, basically none of my thoughts were helping me walk ahead and cross that car and trot off.

I stopped for a moment weighing the situation and decided to turn around and walk in the other direction, leaving the mystery car behind me.

As I walked away, I was trying to figure out if what I did was out of fear or plain common sense ?

Speed.

2007-08-17T03:19:00.000-07:00

In my work campus, there are 3 speed breakers (really small fiber or rubber ones) from the entrance to the parking lot.

I usually don't slow down for the speed breakers, coz., they are extremely annoying, I just drive over in my usual speed maybe 50 or 60 kph.

Today as I did like I always do, a bunch of people walking that side(supposedly building admin), came running towards me. I was alarmed thinking I hit something.

So I got off and asked 'what happened' ?

The convo went something like this

Admin guy: [rude tone]"Is this the way you drive ? what happens if something had happened? This is not the national highway, this is company property !"

Me: [pissed from the way he spoke]"I understand that this is not a highway, but did anything happen in the first place ? Cut out the What if's and But if's !"

Admin guy: "Give me your id. card first"

Me: "Why ?"

Admin guy: [to the security standing next to him, managing to see my company name ]: "Note down his company name and send an e-mail"

It got over in a few seconds followed by a couple of dialoges in a rude tone. I know I won't get an e-mail, not that it'll matter a lot even if I did.

I realized I was driving fast for that place, I kinda like it to drive fast and make those quick turns. [ok, ok, I do realize this is not a racing track, but obviously just to make a few fast turns, you don't expect me to locate a racing track, pay an obscene amount of money and go make a few fast turns.Also, I know I am not racing material, just the occasional adrenaline rush, I suppose.]

But, the way in which those guys came running towards me, and the way that guy spoke to me asking for my id. et. all, I was just rude back to him. Didn't feel like apologizing or anything.

As I walked away, I felt a little bad. Why ?

Destination US of A.

2007-08-16T03:41:00.000-07:00

You are told that you are going to be transferred to US office and that you will have to start working from there.

You get the usual excitement just like everybody, new place, new people, new culture, (prospectively) better life style, better money (when converted in rupees), you can now afford that apartment that you'd always wanted. You can send a decent bundle of money home every month from now onwards, you can bring your parents and keep them with you for 6 months and show them around etc etc...

On the other hand, you are the only one, to your parents now, your brother's already in the US. Your dad's already had a bypass surgery. You consiously know that old age is creeping in and health is deteriorating. They are slowly becoming immobile, travelling to a relatives wedding in a neighbouring town, or taking an auto to go visit a doctor is a task by itself, @ this age.

However, you sit and talk with mom and dad, they want you to go, take up the opportunity, they don't want to spoil your career and become a burden, also they want to be proud and tell other people that their little one has also made it to the US of A.

You finally make the decision to go, thinking you'll make some money and then get back in a couple of years.

After 6 years...

You are in a good job, own a house, a car, have brought your parents and toured them around.

Your parents are managing back in India, making regular visits to the doctor and back, doting on you wondering when you'll make that vacation plan and be with them for 3 weeks.

Then you get a call from a friend, saying that his dad passed away in a heart attack and that he has to travel back to India immediately. You console him, give him strength and tell him to take care.

Now you sit and think...what if the same thing happens to me?

What if I were in the same position?

Should I not be with my family when they need me?
Should I not be there to take them to the hospital, when they are ill?
Should I not be there to do the chores, pay bills etc...?
Should I not be around with mom and dad, to just spend time with them, laze around on that Saturday morning with mom shouting from the kitchen calling out to me to wake me up ?
Should I not be there to just sit with dad and listen to him talk about the stock market and politics?
Should I not be around to just listen to mom's problems and complaints about dad?
Should I not be there around for mom and dad?

Now you miss all of that and want those days back. You think, ok, whatever time is left, I should be with them at least during these times.

Then you think of your job, how much money you are making, and the EMI's you are paying every month, both back in India and here in the US.

You tell yourself, don’t worry too much, nothing will happen! But you've consciously accepted that someday, you'll get that call...and you'll have to take that flight.

That's life!

How many people...

2007-08-16T00:06:00.001-07:00

...have the habit of wiping their hands under the seat after eating a piece of cake or sweets.

I just did.

It's normal practice that folk bring sweets when they are back from their hometown and cut cakes for somebody's birthday. A colleague just walked upto me and offered a piece of black forest cake, I took it with the help of my thumb and fore finger and tossed it into my mouth and relished it.

Now my hands were soiled, soiled as in not completely, but still you have that feeling in your fingers, automatically my hands went under my seat and voila...simple and easy. While I could have got up and walked up to the restroom at the other end of the floor.

Many a times people do it subconsciously, they don't even realise it. Today I did and will try to consciously remember not to do it again :)

How my thoughts wander.

2007-07-19T23:27:00.001-07:00

This is how fast my mind changes context. Actually I have been trying to install a tool, and realised that one of the help documents was in French, I had a colleague who hails from France to translate it for me.

I really appreciate his time, coz., it's definetly a lot of work sitting down and patiently translating it for me.

Here I am reading thru the doc, and trying out some stuff (It on a Virtual Linux box, I am running on my PC) and facing some issues, so I am googling out to figure it out, and here's how my thoughts go

--> ahh damn, I need to get this working, it's already been 3 weeks now.
--> Wow this Linux virtual box, is super cool
--> Ahh Darwin, was such a wizz at Linux...it's been close to a year since I'v mailed him or spoken to him.
--> I shud write to him about this Linux box, telling him how it reminded me of him...and re-establish contacts, it'll be good to talk to him, also now that I hear he's engaged and all that.
--> I immediately login to gmail to compose an e-mail.
--> Next moment, I am smiling reading a reply sitting in my inbox, which I got from a friend, and typing out a reply.
--> Then I suddenly realise, how all I am wasting my time, and that I should get back to my tool and logout of gmail.
--> Close the window
--> Come back to my tool.
--> Realise I have to blog about it.
--> Open notepad, and start typing away.
--> Posting it here.

Weird, seriously, I know !

Phone flavour.

2007-07-04T22:08:00.000-07:00

Your phone rings
You pick up to see who's calling
You don't answer
You keep watching as the caller tries again and again
You still don't answer
You have a satisfaction, as though the wronged has been punished.
After a while, you look at your phone

You are quite & worried, wishing for the phone to ring again.

Vadas and the guilt that follow.

2007-07-03T06:01:00.000-07:00

An evening at work, you are not actually hungry, but you think to yourself, ok, i'll just go and get myself some orbit, the mint will get me all fresh.

You go to the cafeteria, and decide to just walk around the counters to see wat they got ?

You see the fresh crispy vada's and automatically say ' 1 plate vada please'

You relish the hot, crispy vada with sambhar and chutney and top it off with coffee.

As you walk back to your desk, you are filled with guilt, thinking about the diet you just broke, but you begin to tell yourself, yet another time, from tommorow onwards...

Don't know what to call it.

2007-06-27T01:59:00.001-07:00

There is someone, you think you don't care about.
But, he just keeps appearing in your thoughts, and the memories keep coming back.
You think of the sweet moments, other times, you just think of the bad times, when you'v felt hurt.

Now it's been so long, you don't even remember many of the things that happened. You're just left with the bitter taste that lingers.

But even now, you wonder...
Does he think of me, like the way I do ?
Does he remember the old times, like the way I do ?
Does he feel bad about the things that happened, like the way I do ?
Is he happy ?

You feel sad, when something unfortunate happes to him.
You don't feel happy either, when something fortunate happens to him.

Sometimes, You wonder if you are good ?
Sometimes, You declare you are bad.

Othertimes, you just continue to wonder.

Whatever do you call this feeling ?

Liked the lyrics. Yet to listen to it.

2007-06-25T05:26:00.000-07:00

My Immortal - Evanecence

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

Feeling good.

2007-04-29T04:28:00.000-07:00

For some reason, I am feeling good ! Listening to a sequence of random songs that I like. Got a nice long shower. I am liking it :)

A quote.

2007-04-28T03:00:00.000-07:00

“Confidence can’t be granted. It comes from setting challenges and then surmounting them”

That’s not entirely accurate though. Truly confident people are confident at all times, even in areas they have no experience in.

Maybe confidence is when no one can really make you feel bad about yourself. No words will bring you down. You could receive a thousand insults, and you wouldn’t bat an eye. You could get fired, and you’d just calmly send out your resume.