Breakup.

A breakup or a divorce doesn't always have to be between a man and a woman. A break up also happens between friends. 

Sometimes, it turns out to be so difficult to get over the relationship, the friendship, the warmth, the love, the affection, that you once shared for each other. Sometimes, there's guilt, and then there's hate. 

The thoughts don't go away. It keeps haunting you, sometimes, the good memories surface and you smile, but eventually it makes you sad, thinking it had to turn out this way. The bad memories makes it all the more numb. It brings about this I don't care, I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to do anything, I don't want to talk to anyone attitude. 

You know very well, it's not the right feeling, that you have to get over it, move on, you know very well, you have a life to live and want to do exactly that. But somehow, invariably you do otherwise. 

You think, It's sad it had to turn out this way. You try to introspect. You wonder why ? Who was responsible ? Was it me or was it otherwise ? Nothing helps. The numbness comes back.

You come to learn, that the friend has moved on, and seems to be leading a peaceful, normal life, maybe even forgotten you completely. Now should this affect you ? Yes, it does. You wonder why ? Why ? 

It's going to be a good few years now. You have to move on. You think, time will heal, or atleast time will help reduce the pain. But how much more time ? 

The mire of inconsistent feelings and emotions, keep coming back. You try to fight it. You will. 

Which kind are you ?

There are different kinds of people. Largely, they fall into the following two categories.
1. One who listens to the heart.
2. One who listens to the mind.

and then there's a third kind, One who is confused between the two.

I have friends who are emotionally controlled and I have other friends who have no emotions, no wait..who have emotions but know how to control them and move on for all practical reasons.

Somehow, sometimes, I feel the latter are much better off and lead a happier life, coz., they don't end up getting hurt too often. Other times, I feel they aren't living their lives fully. They don't get to live the joys and sorrows of being a true friend, of being in love.

On the other hand, the emotional ones, live life, love, make merry, break down and get hurt when relationships go sour, take time to recover, but again continue to live life to the fullest.

Where do people strike an equal balance ?

I wonder.