Thursday, February 12, 2009

Discovering thy self.

Ok here's something I consciously want to do,

I am going to identify the patterns, of when I am happy and when I am sad, when I am going through intense emotions or when I don't emote at all.

What gets me there, in the sense what makes me happy, what makes me sad, what really drives me ?

I know these things to a certain extent, but I do a lot of stuff subconciously. So I am going to take note and keep track. No particular goals, I would say this is just a start in the journey of discovering myself. 

Wow, now, I sound philosophical. 

Ok, on that note, here's a few things that made me happy and sad.

->  I lost 27 kilos in the last 6 months. But that's not enough, I still need to lose 7 more kilos to reach my ideal weight. Now, that's happy. It gives me confidence in a lot of ways. 

-> I didn't clear the certification, that I took up for the 3rd consequtive time, no actually 4th I think. It's not a very difficult test, just tricky with negative marking and all that. I didn't put in enough effort. I felt a little bad about myself, for wasting a lot of time and rushing in at the last minute. But I did learn quite a bit and decided not to take up the certification again ;)

-> I read 2 books, though I did take a lot of time, I managed to complete them. I enjoyed reading them. That made me happy.

-> Every visit to home, where I meet up with the boys and V, gives me immense happiness, can't
explain in words. My wife A feels why I don't feel that way about her these days ! I keep telling her, darling, we live together, I can't be exited all the time, but with the boys and V it's different, I meet them once in a while. It's like I have this blood gush in my body, as I get closer to V's place, till the moment I see him, the 2 or 3 days I spend there with them is electric !

-> I'v taken up acting, yes, I'v joined an acting workshop, with a production group who specailise in English theatre. Now, that's a lot of fun. I am learning a lot. The peer interaction is brilliant. I am enjoying it totally.

Ok, that's for now, will write, as and when life happens :)

Can I get a little water please ?

Ok, for the sake of this post, both wifey dear and I are working and infact, there are times when she has to put in longer hours at work. Apart from this she makes my breakfast every day.

Now, I am a person who hurries up with my breakfast. 

Now, I eat very fast, atleast my breakfast, that's the way I do, so 4 or 5 spoons down my throat, I'll be close to choaking and will need water. Now there isn't always water on the table alongwith breakfast.

So, I had a request to make. I said something like, "I know you are already taking care of work and also the cooking part, which is already a lot, I don't mean to burden you more, but I have a request to make. It would be great if you could keep a half bottle of water so that I don't have to run to the water dispenser when I have food stuck through my food passage and need water to wash it down." Ofcourse, I did add, words like kanna, thangam in between.

She comes back instantly with something like, "It's all about sharing work and things would be a lot easier if we could share work." And she also went on to press, "In the west, you don't even have housemaids, people have to get all the work done on their own."

Now, that upset me. I was not even demanding and am remotely close to a chauvinistic male partner. I don't cook, nor do I help in the kitchen. But, am definitely not the kind who guzzles beer and sleeps on the couch, watching cricket !

Also, clearly she likes to take care of the kitchen work on her own, doesn't expect me to help around in the kitchen or cook even.

All that I asked her was for some water along with breakfast. So, as usual, it went on a downward spiral, like any argument would take.

Well, it didn't end up quite nice. 

Now, question is, was it too much to ask, for some water ? 

Smiling on the highway.

Last week, I was riding back on my faithful Royal Enfied Bullet from a neighbouring state, solo. It is a great feeling to be riding on the highway, gives me a great high. The steady thump of my bullet always in the background overpowering the music that are already plugged into my ears. 

When I open my visor, the wind gushing through the helmet onto my face. Lost in thoughts, sometimes pensive. Sometimes, the brilliant feeling of warmth, when I imagine so many good things or even as I reminisce the past. 

This time around, I saw this really really huge truckers, carrying 'windmill blades'. I'v never seen something that monsterous in length in person. Wanted to pull over and take a picture, but I knew I wasn't carrying the right gear for that.

As I overtook the trucker, I turned around quickly and lifted my visor and looked at him, manning the wheel. He looked back, I smiled and waved out, and instaneously a big smile broke out on his face, as he waved back in all happiness and vigour.

Now, I liked that, and I was smiling to myself as I rode on. 

ID Card.

Everyday, I flash my id. card to this security guard at my work entrance and over a period of time, it's like we know each other personally. That familiar nod and acknowledgement has definitely become routine.

However, he still makes it a point to ask me to flash my id. card, which I also do, knowing fully well that it's his duty. Though, I might claim not, I think somewhere in the back of my mind, I was mildly annoyed that he insisted on seeing my ID card every single day.

This morning as, I pulled out my ID card to show him, he came close and gently whispered in my ear ' Sir, Security camera hai, isi lea, galath math manoo' {There's a security camera, that's why, don't mistake me} and flashed a big broad smile, back at me :)

I liked that.