Life.

It's funny.

The way I currently live my life, in contrast to the completely contradicting way in which I wish to live my life.

There are things I don't want to do, and then there are things, I want to do. But, I continue to
do the things that I don't want to do, and continue to 'want' doing the things, that I want to do.

Sometimes, I am organized, other times, I am cluttered.
Sometimes, I plan, other times, I just like doing it on the fly.
Sometimes, I am comfortable with a certain path ahead of me, other times, I'd think, I would
have preferred a life full of uncertainties.

Few years back, I had so much passion for what I wanted to become. Now, it's a fluctuating
feeling, sometimes, I tell myself, I can still become that if I tried hard. Other times, I question
myself, if that is really what I want to be.

Then there are other thoughts. People tell me I am good at that. Maybe, I'd be better off
doing that. Then there's this other voice telling me, but you haven't done anything yet, with
what you have. It's too early to be looking at something new.

Then, just when I start thinking about all this, I tell myself, let me think about it later. My
mind moves on, thinks about people, thinks about the past, sometimes they reflect in the form
of a smile, other times, I am just quite.

I have a few people, I know I love dearly.
I know what makes them happy.
I know what makes them sad.
Most times, I try to do things that make them happy.
Few times, I end up doing things that make them sad.
There are times, I do it on purpose. I would think I am bad. Then, I would convince myself, anybody would have done that then, and that I am normal.

I know I am a good person and I am afraid, that I also know, I am a bad person.

I know I am in love with life. I love living what life has to offer.
Sometimes, I look back and smile. Other times, I look back and go quiet.
Sometimes, I think I control 'my' life. Other times, I sit and let life take over.

There are times, I imagine, I am living life, the way I wanted to.
Most times, I realize, that I am living life, the way I am expected to.

There are times, I am convinced, I don't care what people think.
Most times, I keep thinking what others might think.

But again, that's probably life. As they say, that's life.

Someone said...

Everything is difficult only once, it gets easier from the second time onwards.

Bribe.

This incident happened yesterday to somebody I know. Let's call him N.

N and his friend were on a two-wheeler on their way to lunch. They were stopped by a cop, for routine license & registration check. Once done with the routine, the cop as usual managed to find something to pick on and demand money.

N [handing out a 20 rupee note]: Sir, we only have this much.
Cop: What!! Only 20 rupees...hmm.. where are you guys going ?
N: To have lunch sir.
Cop: Whaat maa, you are saying you are going for eating lunch...with only 20 rupees..aa...
N: No sir, for that we have coupons.
Cop: What coupons...
N: Sir, Sodexo coupons, most hotels accept coupons these days.
Cop: Oh ish it ? Where you got it ? Show me..
N [pulling out the coupon book] : Sir, our company gives us, every month. This is practiced in most companies. It's like money, works in hotels and supermarkets only for food items.
Cop [Examining the Sodexo coupon and the various denominations, pulls out four 50 rupee coupons] : hmmm....here..now go.
N: Sir...
Cop: Go maa..go maa....we usually don't accept all these coupons...but, I am letting you guys go... [shameless smile and pockets the coupons]