The way I currently live my life, in contrast to the completely contradicting way in which I wish to live my life.
There are things I don't want to do, and then there are things, I want to do. But, I continue to
do the things that I don't want to do, and continue to 'want' doing the things, that I want to do.
Sometimes, I am organized, other times, I am cluttered.
Sometimes, I plan, other times, I just like doing it on the fly.
Sometimes, I am comfortable with a certain path ahead of me, other times, I'd think, I would
have preferred a life full of uncertainties.
Few years back, I had so much passion for what I wanted to become. Now, it's a fluctuating
feeling, sometimes, I tell myself, I can still become that if I tried hard. Other times, I question
myself, if that is really what I want to be.
Then there are other thoughts. People tell me I am good at that. Maybe, I'd be better off
doing that. Then there's this other voice telling me, but you haven't done anything yet, with
what you have. It's too early to be looking at something new.
Then, just when I start thinking about all this, I tell myself, let me think about it later. My
mind moves on, thinks about people, thinks about the past, sometimes they reflect in the form
of a smile, other times, I am just quite.
I have a few people, I know I love dearly.
I know what makes them happy.
I know what makes them sad.
Most times, I try to do things that make them happy.
Few times, I end up doing things that make them sad.
There are times, I do it on purpose. I would think I am bad. Then, I would convince myself, anybody would have done that then, and that I am normal.
I know I am a good person and I am afraid, that I also know, I am a bad person.
I know I am in love with life. I love living what life has to offer.
Sometimes, I look back and smile. Other times, I look back and go quiet.
Sometimes, I think I control 'my' life. Other times, I sit and let life take over.
There are times, I imagine, I am living life, the way I wanted to.
Most times, I realize, that I am living life, the way I am expected to.
There are times, I am convinced, I don't care what people think.
Most times, I keep thinking what others might think.
But again, that's probably life. As they say, that's life.