I was a reader and follower of blogs for a long time, before I had one of my own. There were few blogs, that I passionately followed. I thoroughly enjoyed reading them, and spent hours reading their entire archives. Sometimes, it's like I know them in person.
Some of them are Priyamanaval, Jikku, Sleepless-In-IIMA, Sine-Qua-Non, Gapp, Sudhish and few others. Then there are many others, I discovered recently, such as debum, thamizhachi, english-tamil, niniane and many others. I think these guys are brilliant bloggers, with whom you can strike a chord, in one way or the other. I was able to relate with what they wrote. I could see, how much, I felt similarly too, it was beautiful when you see someone write thoughts, that run in your mind.
There have been times, when I have taken printouts of 'Sleepless-In-IIMA' to read during train journeys.
Then I created my first blog. My intention was to write, like the ones, I enjoyed reading, and to also be able to write about what I felt, and to get honest opinions from people about what they felt, about what I felt.
I went about writing whatever that came to my mind, and about stuff that was happening in my life. A few friends and fellow bloggers started visiting my blog and became regulars. I started getting few positive comments. As time went by, I started watching the number of hits I was getting, and it felt good, to know that I have some readership. It felt good to know that few people liked what I wrote.
Sometime later, I got my first negative comment, an 'anonymous' friend rubbished whatever, I wrote. It wasn't even logical disagreement to what I had written, doesn't matter, however critical. It was just some silly sarcasm and names calling. That pissed me off a bit. Then, then there were comments, that supported me, and bashed Mr. Anonymous and that felt nice.
But what was actually happening was, a limitation, some kind of a wall had developed in my mind. I knew I had a readership now, which I didn't want to disappoint. I wanted the same kind of positive comments. I didn't feel comfortable writing about stuff, that would bring in negative comments. There were a set restrictions now. I didn't like that.
People in the real world who knew me, started developing an impression on me, based on what I wrote on my blog. People at work, who barely knew me for couple of months, drew opinions and impressions from what I had written in the past. I was getting uncomfortable with that.
Then, I went through a rough phase, had to part ways with two of my close friends. We shared the same set of friends. It was getting difficult for me to be in the same group, and hang out in social gatherings, where they were present, being in part of the same mailing lists, where they were present. I wanted them to vanish from my life, and similarly I didn't want them to know about anything that was happening in my life, be it good or bad.
Invariably, I stopped blogging.
Life went on, many things happened, I wanted to write, I wanted a space, where I could just be somebody with an online presence, and have no real-life connection, and most important of all, where I could comfortably, and totally be myself. InWantOfBeingMe was born.
Writing or Blogging is driven by many things, to share with the world about something that you are passionate about, be it technical or just a passtime, to entertain people, to gain more readership, to share with the world what you think, and get an opinion about what others think about what you think, etc, etc...
I was just thinking about all this, and trying to be honest with myself and identify with why I really blog.
I blog for myself, I blog about things which I find real, which I think is humorous, memories that are special to me, all of which I can look back after a few years and smile at how much I have changed, or not changed.
I want to make a sincere effort at that, I will.